Normal dating period before marriage
You don’t see the person as a whole…you see the perfect wedding night/pure marriage you’ll never be able to have if you stay with them. How they treat you, who they are, and how much you enjoy them should be hugely important factors. Some of those other qualities can be even more rare than virginity. But given that the rest of the world is full of one night stands, casual sex, and “hook up culture”, maybe the fact that your girlfriend/boyfriend has only had sex with one other person in the context of a long term relationship (or whatever) isn’t so bad.. Appreciate that in the grand scheme of things, your girlfriend/boyfriend may be much closer to your sincere, genuine idea of sexuality than he/she is to those “other” people’s warped and soulless view of sex.
Maybe they had sex before with one person but only a couple of times.
Sometimes the more you want a person, the more their sexual past bothers you.
As the one who’s waiting for sex (doing the noble thing), the fact that your girlfriend/boyfriend has had sex before with one or more people may start to really piss you off.
In his free time Mike enjoys running, biking, and movies.
It seems to me that there are a growing number of young Christians that are crafting, or being taught, a working theology for why they SHOULD have sex BEFORE marriage.
I must admit, while I’ve become quite good at not getting rattled when students share with me some of their thoughts, struggles and/or questions, this is one that always seems to catch me off guard.
Keep that attitude and they’ll be able to help you through it and probably ease a lot of your concerns. You keep picturing your girlfriend/boyfriend having sex with some other person — doing all of the things you’ve waited to do for so long with somebody else, as if it’s nothing — and it’s like knives through your heart. But so much for that, because now they’re gone, and you’re faced with the prospect of dating somebody who was nowhere near as good as them and has a sexual history that is five times as bad. To some people who are waiting till marriage, the virginity-factor can be all-consuming when picking a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Jealousy, hurt, anger, wounded pride, injustice…all of those feelings are going to tear at you. Especially in the early stages of waiting till marriage, finding another virgin can be so important to you that once you compromise on it (i.e., by dating somebody who’s a non-virgin), it can become all you can see.
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Maybe they have slept with a couple of people but only in committed relationships. If you’re a virgin who regularly dates non-virgins, then you’re going to date people who have all kinds of sexual histories.