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But, the current statistics indicate the predominant choice is care at home. He is very slowly dying; physically he is finished; however his mental capacity for life is great. I think people who are interpreting "not being 'there'" as objectifying or otherwise insinuating a lack of 'humanness' are severely misrepresenting what is being said.More often than not, this is the "wish" of the person that has Alzheimer's. After years of loneliness his wife asked for permission to divorce and remarry…Both his wife and new husband cared for him to this day. Many people I know who condemned Terry Schiavo’s husband for “moving on”, calling it “adultery” but were very sympathic in the case I just described… The problem with the Terry Schiavo case is that he WAS still married to her! No, we're snuffing ourselves out at the beginning and the end of life, so eventually, humanity will cease to exist. Someone with later-stage Alzheimer's or severe dementia is not the same person as the one their spouse married.Symptoms can be mild (some memory loss, getting lost, and trouble handling money), moderate (continued memory loss, confusion and trouble recognizing family members) to severe (unable to communicate, completely dependent on others).The healthy spouses of those with Alzheimer's Disease are in a particular quandary.She is being taken care of by one of their daughters, and is now at the point where she does not recognize her grandchildren and her perceptions or her own daughters are tenuous at best.I've known my grandmother for several decades, her children several more, and aside from the one daughter, all agree that she is no longer "there".
Many of them are being cared for at home with the assistance of Hospice.
For others, there is the belief that they are still young and healthy and, since their spouse doesn't recognize them anyhow, they should be able to date.
They feel they are not hurting their spouse since he or she doesn't know the difference and they continue to visit so what is the harm?
They are technically married, however the person they married is no longer "there" and in some cases, their spouse does not even know who they are.
Taking care of a demented spouse can be much like taking care of a toddler because the person cannot be left alone or unattended and he or she cannot necessarily be reasoned with. More and more, these healthy spouses are only too relieved to place their ill spouse in a care facility in order to get their spouse a better level of care as well as to get a respite from caretaking.
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He started dating and soon met a woman named Mary Neil Wolff, who had been widowed and who understood the dilemma Barry was in.