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The consequence is that people feel trapped or “on the fence” and racked with ambivalence.
On one hand they crave freedom and independence; on the other hand, they want the security of a relationship – even a bad one.
Guilt about leaving a spouse may be due to the fact that their parents didn’t appropriately encourage emotional separation.
Yet, they’ve never completed the developmental milestone of “leaving home” psychologically, meaning becoming an autonomous adult.
They are as tied to their mate as they once were to their parents.
One man was too afraid and guilt-ridden to leave his ill wife (11 years his senior).
His ambivalence made him so distressed, he died before she did!
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For spouses married a number of years, their identity and may be as a “husband” or “wife” – a “provider” or “homemaker.” The loneliness experienced upon divorce is tinged with feeling lost. This also may be significant for a noncustodial parent, for whom parenting is a major source of self-esteem. They left home or their college roommate for a marriage or romantic partner.